I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
