he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She bit a glass in half.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
