we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
