just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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