somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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