Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize