We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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