I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
