I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
