to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
