Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
