i would punch a child for taco bell
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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