She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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