Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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