Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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