Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is Oprah even human
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
