We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
