i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
