there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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