Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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