Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
