We're facebook friends in real life
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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