Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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