possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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