This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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