Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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