God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
