Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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