1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
