he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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