So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
