I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
