I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she told me i tasted like america
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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