you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
