Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
