Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
