I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
