plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
