Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
