my mouth tastes like poor choices
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize