The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
