my mouth tastes like poor choices
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
