no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
