Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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