I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize