Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
