I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
