this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
