ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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