plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Holy shit dude........stairs
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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