your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
