sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
