We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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