i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
