I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize