Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Sorry my hands just texted you
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
