Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
