i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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