yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
