I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
