Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
