i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
