I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
