two words: eviction party
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
