i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
