He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
