You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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