I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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