coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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