I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
