Got a toothbrush?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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