Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize