You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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