if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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