im six kinds of drunk right now
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
