Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
