i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
