If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
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