ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
