I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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