Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
