i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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