he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
