bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
