life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
